I'm sorry to tell you local chaps, but the Hawaiian-print knee-length board shorts are a touch outdated.
Translation: completely and horribly outdated.
Now, being in style at the beach wouldn't have been too much a concern in the past, but this summer, with the ban on drinking in full effect, it is best to look as attractive as possible in front of all those clear-eyed, sober ladies on the sand.
So, what look should you be sporting on the beach? I will give you a clue: It is time to introduce your thighs to the sun.
To clarify, this does not mean you have to wear tight, spandex hot pants that cup your "jewels" with the grasp of god. It simply means your swim trunks need to be cut a little slimmer and end at the halfway point down your thigh. Of course, you can always go a little higher or lower to meet personal preference.
As for color, simple solid colors like black, military green, and brilliant blue are great ways to go. But if you desire an edgier look, a pattern is the path to take. You will want to steer clear of cheesy graphics and prints, traditional to swim attire (stay clear of all Hawaiian prints). Go for subtle prints in a small amount of varying hues. You can find these short(er) and slim(er) trunks at Buffalo Exchange in Hillcrest or Sauvage in La Jolla, as well as within the BOSS collection at Bloomingdale's in Fashion Valley Mall.
One thing I want to point out is that the '80s era is rearing its unsightly head, yet again. If you want to look enormously trendy and ridiculous feel free to dive into those neon, splatter-paint trunks made by Diesel. However, before you show the dough, it's my duty to warm you this is not a marvelous look. The '80s neon prints are fated for a short-live in the spotlight, and those trunks will be of no use to you in approximately forty-eight seconds.
Always keep in mind that fashion is fun. If you love it, wear it. For more fashion advice or a wardrobe consultation with a personal stylist, visit vanessavaliente.com.
Now, check out the ultimate guide to female beach fashion here.
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